So I’m at the ambient show—total ripper—and there’s this drone metal act killing it. Great sense of dynamics and atmosphere but going all way in on the theatrics (QT forest nymph on ethereal vocals, complete with True Detective S1 leaf crown) but something was missing: fog machine. You can’t have drone metal without some smoke emerging from whatever bog you crawled out of. Do us all a favor and head on over to Long and McQuade and properly set the scene.

Then, right as the dronetown headliner starts their singular note of the evening this guy in front of me presents, I shit you not, a full bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and starts eating them one by one. I’m trying not to just totally lose it laughing my ass off.

I look around and suddenly the magic is gone. The whole room smells like too many masters degrees. Everyone has found a way to stand in an even more awkward way than the person next to them. I start to hear that note again and it’s suddenly a dialtone.