words:

summer by the balls

Oh yeah every year I say I’m really gonna squeeze all the juice out of the summer but this year I’m really gonna do it. There will be a smoking hole in the earth where this summer once was.

Usually by the end of September I feel some malaise and regret that I was inside a little too much, left a Corona undrank and a lake unswam. Not this year.

People will be filled with reverence and envy as they remember Summer 2018 as that one When He Really Did It. That year when he was pure expression of relaxation and warm weather exuberance in the face of all adversity.

words:

human resource

What if we hired a small child by the hour to kick everyone in the shins? They’d do it at a totally unpredictable interval so you could never know when it’s coming. We should probably hire one to hide under every desk.

“What am I doing wrong?” You shout down to your ankles, beyond the mug that reads DO WHAT YOU LOVE. The kid says something about Fortnite and ignores the question.

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